Getting hit on by a homeless person is always an event that causes some reflection. Today happened to be one of those moments, because as I was walking down the street a park-bench dweller met my gaze and hit me with the cool opening line of “Hey”, while giving me the up-and-down gaze. Mmmmmm awesome. This was especially troubling because I actually took a shower today and put on mostly clean clothes. It’s taken me two full years to live down my infamous first semester of college when I took the entire term to finish one average size bottle of shampoo.
So maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. After all, it’s a rare person that can say “Hey World, maybe I don’t have a house, or a sustainable income, or a full set of teeth- but that doesn’t mean I can’t date”. At least we would never fall into the classic dating ruts like dinner and a movie, or dinner indoors. And maybe the fact that I’m a cheapskate would actually come in handy on the streets- instead of coming back to thoroughly humiliate me. Like today, for instance, when I tripped on my $7 flipflops in front of a crowd of residents because I’m too cheap to buy a new pair. And some little blonde sorority candidate named Kaitlin looked at her best friend Caitlin and then looked at me with a look of pathetic sympathy that really only meant she was so glad it was me instead of her. And of course most of the residents there were mine- so they all got to see ‘Big Laine’ take a ‘Big Fall’.
So maybe next time I get winked at by the guy asking me if I have anything to spare, I’ll fight the temptation to be wildly offended and stop long enough to consider the merits of being his bag lady.
Satan's Taxi
Laine'sWorld 
I knew the not showering thing would come back to haunt you.
you are effing hilarious